Smoke-out.

Today's post is about my history of cigarette smoking. When I was about 16 years old, I smoked my first cigarette. Maybe it wasn't the true first, but it was the first time I actually inhaled. The other times I'm sure I didn't know what I was doing. It was a Camel Red Light (fancy, huh?) given to me by a friend of a friend. She asked me if I wanted one, I felt uncomfortable anyway, so of course I said yes. I got so high off that first cigarette. I believe that my whole life since that moment has been in pursuit of that feeling.

I smoked Turkish Golds for awhile after that. Today, I think those are absolutely disgusting, but at the time I LOVED them.

My senior year of high school, I tried my first menthol cigarette; I was 17. It was a Marlboro Mild, and I thought it was great. However, it didn't have enough menthol flavor for me. The next brand I began to smoke is a source of great embarrassment for me. I began smoking Newports. Not lights, and mediums hadn't come out yet, I'm talking about full-strength, ghetto-fabulous, Newports. I smoked them for a couple of months, and felt like I was dying. So I decided to change brands again. Plus I was tired of bumming to coke-heads.

So I smoked Camel Red Lights again for awhile until I found Marlboro Menthol Lights. I loved these so much. They didn't have the stigma that the Newports had, but they had the full menthol flavor. Also, they were very close to being a Marlboro Light which everyone smoked, but because they were menthol, no one bummed from me. I smoked these for almost a whole year, after I graduated high school, but suddenly, I didn't want to smoke menthol anymore.

I started with Camel Lights, and when they started to taste too heavy, I switched to Marlboro Lights which I have been smoking for about 4 years. I've been trying to quit for awhile now, and it's extremely difficult. At first, I thought that it was a habit, but now it has become a full-blown addiction. It really sucks not being able to quit, but honestly, I love smoking. I like breathing smoke; I think it's pretty fucking cool. I feel like I'm still 16 years old, and smoking will make me cool, and make me fit in. Only somehow, in the past 6 years, it's managed to do the opposite. Maybe I'll start smoking menthols again. I don't like other people anyway.