Absolutely nothin'.

Sarah Plain and Tall may be right when she says that Barack's plan in Iraq is a "white flag of surrender". But I prefer it to John McCain's plan of "SOMEONE MAKE VIKKTURYS HAPPEN". I'm just sayin'. Besides, what is it good for, really?

Hay-soos Christ-O.

From CNN.com:

If the battle for the Democratic presidential nomination is almost over, Clinton isn't acting like it.

"I'm going to make [my case] until we have a nominee, but we're not going to have one today, and we're not going to have one tomorrow and we're not going to have one the next day," Clinton said Monday in Kentucky.

She argues that she leads in the popular vote. "Right now, more people have voted for me than have voted for my opponent," she said. "More people have voted for me than for anybody ever running for president before. So we have a very close contest."

But her argument is debatable. For Clinton to claim such a lead, primary states but not caucus states -- which Obama mostly won -- would only be counted, plus the popular vote totals in Florida and Michigan.

Florida and Michigan were stripped of their delegates for scheduling their primaries too early, in violation of Democratic Party rules. Obama's name wasn't on the Michigan ballot, and he received no votes in that state's contest.

Clinton also argues that she's won the states that she contends would stack up stronger against McCain in the general election.

"The states I've won total 300 electoral votes. If we had the same rules as the Republicans, I would be nominee right now," she said. "We have different rules, so what we've got to figure out is who can win 270 electoral votes. My opponent has won states totaling 217 electoral votes."

Is Hillary fucking retarded? It would make more sense for her to flush the money down an actual toilet. Does she understand that Republicans/Racists are the only ones voting for her? Does she care?

This is probably the greatest 6 minutes of television ever made:



And the Douche-Off at the end isn't too bad either.

Oh craigslist, you crack me up so much.

Free Ramen

Reply to: sale-560997606@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-02, 7:23PM EST

I just bought a 12 pack of ramen noodles, chicken flavored and I do not like this brand. The brand is Top Ramen and it just doesn't taste like the brand I like. I don't want to just throw food away, so I am willing to give away the 10 sealed packages that are left in the box. Let me know if you are interested, first come first serve. If you don't want all 10 thats fine as well.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 560997606

People are gross.

People really need to shower before they come up to my desk to check out laptops. Or put on deodorant. Or wipe their asses. Or whatever works.

p.s. My life is way more awesome than yours.

This is a conversation that really, truly happened today. My friend wanted to set me up with a guy friend of hers. I saw pictures of him and expressed that I wasn't interested a while ago. (I hope that doesn't make me seem too shallow.) I thought you all would like to be privy to this conversation since misery loves company. Or in my case, the company I keep loves to revel in my misery. (Oh, and I'm not actually upset about it, this is quite honestly one of the funniest things that's happened in forever.)

"You know that guy that I was trying to fix you up with?" - my friend who shall remain nameless
"Yeah, what now?" - me
"Well, I guess he's into trannies." - friend
"Like transexuals? What the hell??" - me
"Yeah, he's like, dating one now." - friend
"I guess it probably wouldn't have worked out then." - me

(I can't make this stuff up. It's really great that I am now comparing myself to a she-male, this is super.)

What are you supposed to be?

I've been practicing the funny Halloween costume for as long as I can remember. (Who else would dress up like a homeless person and make sure that it was really convincing?) Today when I stumbled upon the Vice Guide to Everything, I found that someone agrees with me. The rest of it was pretty funny / offensive, too.

"Sexy Halloween costumes are lame. They are supposed to signify the woman wearing it is a hot-to-trot sexpot, but the truth is always the opposite. It's like the girl who talks about giving head all the time and then you go home with her and it's like she's chewing on a Mars Bar. If you want to find the really "sexy" (how gross is that word?) girl, go find the one who blacked out her teeth to become Alfred E. Newman."

Not that I think I'm sexy, but I don't think Halloween should be an excuse to dress like a whore. That's called Tuesday.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

To talk about their feelings. Instead of having lots of boys fall in love with me, I have lots of boys who fall in platonic love with me. I can't tell you how many guys have spilled their guts to me, telling me about their relationships, and how their girlfriends are crazy, and then they want to be bff with me. Uh, hi, I don't give a shit. From my experience, yeah, girls are pretty psycho. But the only reason that's not said as often about boys is because they're better at hiding it. For some reason, I tend to draw out the crazy in people of both sexes. I guess I'm an equal opportunity conversationalist. I know I'm a really awesome person, and I'm intelligent and sensitive, and I know that no one gets you like I do, but please, sometimes a girl's just tryin' to get some. I realize that I display a lot of typically male traits: common sense, directness, umm, I'm better at science and math than other subjects. But this doesn't mean that I'm your guy friend.

The fact is that the vast majority of my friends are women. And, trust me, they take full advantage of my available ear, too. Anyway, I suppose I'm complaining because I haven't had this problem in awhile. And now that it's cropped up again, I don't really know how to handle it. I guess, since I'm such an understanding person, I feel that I should receive some sort of compensation. So boys, if you want a bff who will listen to your girlfriend woes, you better make sure to get me drunk first. What's the name on your tab?

Damn, she's a little long-winded, huh?

So, I wrote a really long post about last weekend. But, in order to post it with any hope of someone reading the whole thing, I would have to do so in installments. So here's the highlights, which I think is a slightly more interesting format.

Got wasted off of one beer at a cook-out. Ate some food. Not so drunk anymore. Went out for girl's birthday. Paid my party's cover. There were only 3 of us so, no biggie. Drank some beer, took some jager bombs. Mingled with people. Bought birthday girl a shot. Danced (no, that's not a joke). Left the bar. Was kidnapped and driven to another bar. Had one drink. Bar closed. Started to go home, changed mind. Searched for house where friends were, and ended up walking all through the house next door. None of the tenants noticed. Found correct house. Drank some more. Had several deep convos. Had several dumb convos. Drove one friend to Waffle House at 5 or so. We ate. Drove home, slept for 2 hours. Woke up, showered, headed to brunch. Felt hungover like whoa. Like I was dying. Had a Guinness. Had a water. Ordered food. Had a Red Bull. Tried to eat food, almost vom'd. Had a Diet Coke. Had 2 free shots (vodka and unknown ingredients). Had a Bloody Mary. Told my friend about my new abbrev: bellig. She was way excited. Went to other birthday girl's house to prep for party. Took a nap instead of helping. Woke up. Downed some caffeine. Helped skewer veggies onto kebobs. Cleaned up a bit, started drinking. Met lots of new people. Ate before everyone else since I hadn't had any solids since Waffle House. Had a few more beers. Had a shot. Decided to go to sleep around 2:00 am. Walked up to spare bedroom. Went to pee in guest bathroom. Toilet was clogged. No toilet paper was left on the roll. Walked downstairs and told birthday girl that someone had clogged her toilet, and I was not fixing it. Went back upstairs, brushed teeth, washed face, lay down. Awakened at about 2:30 by a ruckus. Apparently, the downstairs toilet was clogged too. Wait no, every toilet in the house was clogged. Great. Waited for a boy to unclog the original problem toilet. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 7:30. Headed to dad's house for Father's Day breakfast. Had some coffee (nectar of the gods) and a bagel. Drove back to Knoxville and went straight to work.

There was also a lot of telling complete strangers my life story, et cet, but we don't need to get into that. Oh, and p.s., experiencing last weekend was more interesting than my shit retelling.

Edited to add: One other thing I can recall from the party Saturday night was this guy talking about how his Guitar Hero game had broken. "I can't rock out on it anymore. I remember this one time. I really rocked out on it." He also called me Kelly at some point. Don't worry though, he apologized.

Can we get some privacy in here, please?

So, you know how on MySpace you can set things to private? Your whole profile, certain blog posts, pictures. All of those things are stupid. (Yes, I know I had a private profile for a minute, and I have set blogs to private in the past. Shut up.) So, you're on this website to keep up with current friends, reunite with old friends, and make new friends, probably through other friends. And some of you are on there to stalk your exes, don't fucking lie. So, anyway, it pisses me off when people set their profiles to private because they're basically saying, I have enough friends. Which is so fucking egotistical, I can't stand it. I know there are creeps on myspace, but I don't really have to worry about that unless one of them has a beer fetish. My pictures are embarrassing to say the least, but also, extremely un-sexy.

So anyway, I click on a friend (I'm not divulging names), and then I click on some friend of theirs, and immediately click on the pictures. That's basically all I do. I mean, who has time to read all those bands and movies and shit? Not me. I skim to see if there's anything witty, but I don't have all fucking day here. So, instead of the pictures showing up, I see "user has set photos to private" or whatever it says. So, I click back to the profile page, and I see that there is a slideshow of all of their myspace pictures. What a fucking retard. If you don't want people to look at your pictures, why would you post them on your main page which is not private? Idiot.

Lady-like isn't what I was going for.

What is up with this southern custom of women letting men do whatever they want? I especially notice it with the younger women at UT and it makes me want to puke. The whole "ladies' southern charm" thing is a given, but the purpose of that charm is to get men to do what you want, not the other way around. Of course, leave it to east Tennessee to be more backwards than the other states in the south. I just don't get it. I guess it's just a courtesy thing, but I see it as a 'doormat' kind of thing.

Why should women do favors for men when they'll gladly do favors for us? After all this time, women still get paid less, and the reasoning behind this is that with pregnancy, women are more likely to take extra time off. In a given year, what's the percentage of women in the workplace that get pregnant? Please tell me because, unless it's 100%, there's no way that all women in America should be paid less simply because they are capable of reproducing. So for this reason alone, women should see men as an opportunity to get some payback for lower wages.

But here in Knoxville, girls lug their boyfriends' laptops back for me to check in. They get them drinks at Starbucks, but no, they don't want anything. They help them study, while neglecting their own classes. They let their boyfriends feel smart by pretending not to know the answers in class.

Which is all fine, I suppose I shouldn't judge. However, I can't help but feel that the negative connotation of 'feminist' is partially to blame for this anti-feminist behavior. But whatever, I probably don't even shave my armpits, right?