The drugs don't work, they just make you worse.

I'm at work. Some chick just basically threw her laptop on the counter, and then made some kind of sigh-grunt noise. You know what I say to that? Nothing, because it doesn't even fucking matter. Currently, I'm reading about existentialism. I gotta be honest, I don't really get it. I'm also reading Reading Lolita in Tehran (which so far I believe to be overrated), Possible Side Effects (if you want to feel smart because you can read a whole book in a day, read anything by Augusten Burroughs), and I just finished Anthem (which made me realize that I was correct in thinking that I have socialist tendencies, and that Ayn Rand is a fucking heartless whore). So that's it. Now I'm going to watch Goodfellas. At work. Yeah, I hate me too.

Yeah, I'm crazy, crazy like a fox.

I'm really concerned about my mental health. I just got way too (visibly and vocally) excited because I found a dollar in change at the bottom of my purse. So, basically I found enough money to buy a diet mountain dew, which is one of my addictions, and not a pretty one at that.

Honestly, I should be more worried about my funds (lack of) than my craziness (mild). My bank account's overdrawn, my car insurance just cancelled because I didn't pay it, and my car engine almost blew up yesterday. However, I don't care. I see progress. Regarding the bank account, I'm only overdrawn 4 dollars which is a massively smaller amount than usual. Also, I should be getting paid from work sometime soon, which will probably be enough to pay my car insurance (and reinstate it). And finally, I fixed my car, with a little help from the family. (You can put water in the radiator, not just in the plastic thing? I never knew that.) Anyway, so I'm poor and shit, but it's better than it could be. And diet mountain dew is delicious. That's just a goddamn fact, it's not the borderline personality disorder talking.

Oh, finally, in regards to "By the way", I got my test back. I made an A, and I don't think he curved the grades. Or maybe he just curved them for the people who sucked major ass.

Is it love or is it fancy feast?

I am obsessed with RSS feeds. I can keep up with like everything now. Seriously, I just click on the thing and the new post shows up, it's amazing. Oh my god, why didn't I know about this 'til now?

Fucking hell, I am such a nerd, I can't even get over it right now. . .

So Mary, what else happened on spring break?

Embarrassingly enough, I talked to a lot of people about myspace. One girl said to me right before I had ordered a drink, "Don't try to act like you don't drink, Mary. I've seen your pictures on myspace, you're a total booze-hound." I ate my first slice of New York pizza after a long search for Rosario's pizzeria. I drank PBR in a squalid back room bar. A Bulgarian pony-tailed man tried to guilt me into dancing. I made some crass comments to some random dudes. During a smoke break, one of the members of our party bitched out a girl who tried unsuccessfully to bum a cig. We were turned down by four cabbies whilst trying to find a taxi to Brooklyn from the Lower East Side. Folks flirted, danced, threw inhibitions to the wind, peaced out, waltzed in, drank up, and fell down. This all happened the first night.

The nights that followed consisted of karaoke, Irish bartenders, giving away extra slices of pizza, an artist who had multiple personalities when drunk, a classy encounter with some asshole boys, shots of Jameson, shots of tequila, shots of vodka (none of which were consumed by me), an impromptu rooftop wine party, a schmooze and booze Manhattan young democrats' party which was infiltrated by me and a guy who said he was an Irish-Russian-Jewish republican, a twilight zone trip to Roosevelt Island, two stirring renditions of the theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, a late-night subway trip that included a cross-eyed black guy who had seen all of America by bus and a white guy who opposed gentrification but lived in a gentrified neighborhood and a preppy Vanderbilt alum eavesdropper, a case of mistaken identity regarding a teenage suicide victim, a pratfall in Williamsburg performed by yours truly, an evening of pizza and Pride and Prejudice and good intentions to stay in, getting lost on the Upper East Side in the snow, a freezing basement show that forced me to put toilet paper in my ears featuring a guy who performed in a backlit tent, and a free beer ticket from a girl in a crazy white get-up.

On St. Patrick's Day, the events included a bite at McDonalds, a quick glimpse of the parade, a German pub, a Duane Reade bathroom break, an Irish pub, a friend who asked the guys at the next table if they were leaving soon about 4 times, a shaving cream fight, Guinness, a Whole Foods bathroom break, a burger joint, a misguided subway trip, a split-up, a long walk north, a long walk east, a Mexican restaurant, a man in a puffy coat with a tight green t-shirt over it, a stolen cell phone resulting in risque text messages, a stolen beer, a free beer, a guy who was pushed over in his chair and then slapped the guy who pushed him, a NYU yuppie hangout, a tonic missing the gin, a stolen beer, a drunk girl who kept trying to steal a coat, a couple who took a limousine, a gay bar, hearing cocaine being sniffed in the next bathroom stall, having an old gay man with a caesar haircut buy me a drink, and a gypsy cab ride. That was my last night in town.

Perhaps it's needless to say, but my days were consumed with trying to recover from the previous nights.

This is what I learned in New York.

You usually don't get a glass, even if the beer costs 7 dollars.
I have an insatiable appetite for pizza.
People who don't know you that well have no problem taking a sip of your drink or a drag of your cigarette.
Walking isn't so bad after the first day.
If one subway car is noticeably emptier than the others, it's because there's a smelly homeless person on it.
It's hard to understand what people say to you on the street, but it doesn't really matter.
Bartenders are good therapists.
Loud arguments are very entertaining, but you don't want to get caught watching and laughing.
Southern belles have been known to spit on the sidewalk.
You're more likely to get a ticket for jaywalking than for littering.
If you wait long enough, someone will buy you a drink.
Snow is gross, dirty, and cold.
I can talk to anyone, anywhere.
There are plenty of people who dress just as badly as I do.
Just because it looks like vomit, doesn't mean it is.
It takes a long time to get anywhere that's not central. (Brooklyn, Upper East Side - 70s and above, Queens, Roosevelt Island)
Being rude is actually an asset.
Avoiding puddles of slush is a full-time job.
Food is cheap and good.
You can curse in front of kids without feeling bad about it.
Work hard, play hard.
Earplugs are a must-have item.
I love rooftops.
Every day can be a holiday, but real holidays are especially fun.
If someone is being an asshole, and you think it's just a northern thing, it's not, they're just an asshole.
People will lie to you to get what they want.
Most bars have a basement or a back room, or some other kind of speakeasy bullshit.
You need more than a week to learn everything.

'By the way' is a great way to start a sentence.

So, we were supposed to get our midterms back today in English class. However, the professor said that there was a big discrepancy in grades between the two sections, and he had to do some futzing with them before he handed them back. However, he did pass back our quizzes from last week. Written at the bottom of my graded quiz was this:
"By the way, you had the best midterm grade in either section-- by a landslide."

Oh my god . . . I'm the girl who fucked up the curve. I've never been that girl. I hate that girl. But I have to tell you, it feels pretty great. I'm kind of liking this whole nerd thing. It almost makes the whole college thing worth it.

My camping gear was designed by Gucci.

I was eavesdropping on a conversation in the library:
Boy- "So what are your plans for spring break?"
Girl- "I'm going backpacking with some friends."
Boy- (eyebrows raised) "Have you done that before, like, do you do stuff like that a lot?"
Girl- "Yeah, I go hiking and backpacking all the time, I do a lot of outdoorsy stuff."
Boy- "That's really cool. Where are you going?"
Girl- "I don't know, like, maybe on the Appalachian Trail, or something."
Boy- "So, what places have you been to before?"
Girl- "I don't really know, I mean they're all like trees and hiking and stuff, so I don't really remember where I've been." (laughs nervously)
Boy- "Yeah, well, trees and dirt, I guess. Right?"
Girl- "Yeah, you know."
Boy- "Well, have fun, I'll see you later."
Girl- "Okay, bye."

Maybe I'm just being cynical, but there's no way that girl is going backpacking, and she's probably only been camping like once. And it was probably cabin camping which totally does not count. Allow me to expound on why I've made this judgement on her character. . .

I know that there are girls who are outdoorsy, and love hiking, and like sleeping in the woods, and don't mind giving up showers for a week. But these girls do not drink Starbucks, or squeeze into designer jeans, or wear lavender cable-knit cardigans, or use a pink ribbon as a headband. And they definitely don't carry a fucking pink Vera Bradley backpack as a purse. Now, if that's the backpack she's taking on spring break, I guess technically she's not lying. Maybe she's not just trying to get into the dirty frat boy's pants. I could be wrong. It's happened once.

No sleep 'til Brooklyn.

My brain is really tired but I can't nap. I've had 4 cups of coffee and one diet mountain dew since 4 this morning. I studied for 3 hours this morning for a test that was postponed. That was awesome, especially since I could have spent that time studying for the test that I actually had to take. No use crying over spilled caffeine, I suppose. Speaking of spilled caffeine, I've peed about 5 times thus far today, and I kind of have to pee right now.

We were talking the other day in class about dreams. When I was younger, I hardly ever remembered my dreams. Occasionally, I would awaken in the middle of a nightmare, but not too often. However, now I almost always remember my dreams. I'll wake up, then drift back to sleep, and the same dream starts as though I haven't woken up. Boring things happen, usually I'm just talking to someone, or watching other people talk, there's not a lot of plot. Sometimes I'm the main character in the dream, but sometimes, I'm not even aware of being present. My dreams are about people I don't know, usually. I hardly ever have friends or family involved. Actually the only time friends and family appear is in nightmares when they have died or are dying. These nightmares are just as vivid as the dreams, and I usually wake up crying. Apparently I'm afraid of other people dying, but not myself. I guess that's a good thing, I don't really know.

Last night I had a dream about vowels. I was on top of a building and instead of a sign saying Hotel DuBois or something, it had the vowels spelled out in lights. A, E, I, O, and U were really bright, but there was a Y at the end that kept flickering on and off. Obviously it's just an expression of "and sometimes y". I know it's a pretty pointless dream, but I think it's pretty neat that I can remember it.

I believe Regina Spektor's video for "On the Radio" is partially responsible for my dream.

Everyone loves me.

And that is a scientific fact.