I believe the children are our future.

Today I went to visit a friend at work. She teaches elementary school. We were standing in the hallway as a little girl walked toward us, staring at me thoughtfully. Then she looked me square in the eyes and said, "You're pretty." After a moment of surprise, I said, "Thank you." She skipped away down the hall. My friend said, "Don't you just love coming here?"

Basically a grandma, just not in the technical sense.

It's Saturday night and I'm at the library studying / not studying. I cut my hair last week. I had it cut by someone else, but since I spent 10K to learn how to be a hairdresser, I just had to cut it some more myself. I think it looks good, and I think it might make me look older. I bought some wine the other night and wasn't carded. Tonight though, I bought beer (okay, malt liquor. . . (for someone else)) and was carded. So who knows? Now I'm off to get groceries and have a glass of wine at home. I suppose that my life has slowed down considerably. I wasn't really aware of it until now. It's okay, though. I always thought I had the mind of an old woman. Now I have the activity level and bedtime of one.

I have no idea why anyone reads this.

This is probably going to be a boring post, but considering I haven't posted anything in almost 2 weeks, I don't really care. I haven't been depressed or whoring myself around or anything that my last post might have indicated. I've honestly been the busiest I've been in a long while. School has started and I'm taking 15 hours instead of my usual 12. (Yeah, I'm kind of a slacker as a general rule. . . What, are you new here?) I'm working 24 hours a week, which doesn't seem like a lot to me or you, probably, but I have the second highest number of hours of all the student employees, so comparatively, it is a lot.

Anyway, I have 2 teachers that I absolutely love and that almost makes up for the 3 I can't really stand. And all of my classes have material that is definitely going to challenge me. And I'm being serious when I say that I am completely excited about that. I broke my car engine the other day, but everything else is going so well, that really hasn't been too much of a big deal. It's really weird, but I think I'm a lot calmer than I used to be. I'm not sure why that is, but I'll take it. Also, I've been cooking, and in case you forgot (or never knew), I'm obsessed with red lentils. I think I've almost perfected my masoor dal (or daal or dahl or dhal) recipe, and I'll post that when I'm satisfied. Hopefully I can get to typing before the end of the month.

I think I might be through with you.

My holiday was filled with a hacking cough, a fever, and a congested nose. I've had bronchitis for almost two weeks now. But when I did decide to get out of the house, some good things happened. Some bad things happened, too, though. And I've decided that I'm finished. I'm finished going after boys that don't care about me and won't. I don't know why the only guys that are interested in me are the ones I'm not interested in. I don't know why that happens. And I don't know why I constantly put myself out there for people that don't reciprocate my feelings. But I am le tired. Tired of being let down over and over again. I know that I am good enough, and I know that I deserve to get what I want. That's why I usually don't let myself get too upset about the bullshit, and I pick myself up, and I try again with someone new. I'm just so frustrated. Not sexually, mind you, just frustrated with things that can only be blamed on my bad luck. And with my latest attempt, I was complaining about how nothing I was doing was working, and my friend asked me if I could afford to keep making the effort. I thought, yeah, of course, I have a lot of free time, and not any other prospects I want to pursue right now. But that's not what I have to worry about affording. It's not a matter of time, it's a matter of the emotional toll that this crap is taking on me. And I decided that I can't afford the emotional costs, I really can't. And so I'm done. I'm finished. And if you're reading this (which you're not because you're not interested enough to read my damn blog), fuck off.

And to my actual readers (both of you. . . ), sorry for this post, really. I feel like a teenager because I'm bitching about this shit. Either that or a divorcee. Anyway, I don't post whiny shit normally, I just needed to get this off my chest, you know? This is one of those times when I'm kind of glad I have a blog.