Giving birth is fun.

Ummm, I wouldn't know anything about that, but celebrating birth is fun. My birthday is one month away today. I think it's important to acknowledge the passage of time, whether it's by a round number rolling around on the odometer, or using candles to mark years of existence. I like my birthday. I don't plan things, and I don't build it up, because doing so would jinx me, I'm certain. But generally I think it's nice to think that I lasted one more year. And if I'm lucky enough to have friends who want to take part in festivities in my honor, that's really awesome. I'm feeling good about my 24th year. I really am.

And this is what I've learned about myself from my rising sign. It supposedly defines your personality better than your sun or moon. If you know me, you know, this shit is scary true:

Rising Sign is in 14 Degrees Scorpio
You tend to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Others notice your deep emotions and feelings and wonder how to draw you out. Stubborn and tough, you fight for any position you believe in. You are very resourceful and formidable when you become angered or upset about something. You enjoy living life at the cutting edge -- for you life must be experienced intensely and totally. Quite courageous, you are willing to take calculated risks. Easily hurt by others, you often strike back with bitter sarcasm. Sensitive and curious, you are concerned with the deeper mysteries of human psychology. Once you have become interested in any subject, you pursue it with total fanaticism.

Not sure about that last sentence, fanatical, not really, but I will Google it. Is that like a lazy fanatic?

Damn, she's a little long-winded, huh?

So, I wrote a really long post about last weekend. But, in order to post it with any hope of someone reading the whole thing, I would have to do so in installments. So here's the highlights, which I think is a slightly more interesting format.

Got wasted off of one beer at a cook-out. Ate some food. Not so drunk anymore. Went out for girl's birthday. Paid my party's cover. There were only 3 of us so, no biggie. Drank some beer, took some jager bombs. Mingled with people. Bought birthday girl a shot. Danced (no, that's not a joke). Left the bar. Was kidnapped and driven to another bar. Had one drink. Bar closed. Started to go home, changed mind. Searched for house where friends were, and ended up walking all through the house next door. None of the tenants noticed. Found correct house. Drank some more. Had several deep convos. Had several dumb convos. Drove one friend to Waffle House at 5 or so. We ate. Drove home, slept for 2 hours. Woke up, showered, headed to brunch. Felt hungover like whoa. Like I was dying. Had a Guinness. Had a water. Ordered food. Had a Red Bull. Tried to eat food, almost vom'd. Had a Diet Coke. Had 2 free shots (vodka and unknown ingredients). Had a Bloody Mary. Told my friend about my new abbrev: bellig. She was way excited. Went to other birthday girl's house to prep for party. Took a nap instead of helping. Woke up. Downed some caffeine. Helped skewer veggies onto kebobs. Cleaned up a bit, started drinking. Met lots of new people. Ate before everyone else since I hadn't had any solids since Waffle House. Had a few more beers. Had a shot. Decided to go to sleep around 2:00 am. Walked up to spare bedroom. Went to pee in guest bathroom. Toilet was clogged. No toilet paper was left on the roll. Walked downstairs and told birthday girl that someone had clogged her toilet, and I was not fixing it. Went back upstairs, brushed teeth, washed face, lay down. Awakened at about 2:30 by a ruckus. Apparently, the downstairs toilet was clogged too. Wait no, every toilet in the house was clogged. Great. Waited for a boy to unclog the original problem toilet. Went back to sleep. Woke up at 7:30. Headed to dad's house for Father's Day breakfast. Had some coffee (nectar of the gods) and a bagel. Drove back to Knoxville and went straight to work.

There was also a lot of telling complete strangers my life story, et cet, but we don't need to get into that. Oh, and p.s., experiencing last weekend was more interesting than my shit retelling.

Edited to add: One other thing I can recall from the party Saturday night was this guy talking about how his Guitar Hero game had broken. "I can't rock out on it anymore. I remember this one time. I really rocked out on it." He also called me Kelly at some point. Don't worry though, he apologized.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I think of stuff that I think is funny, but no one else does. I get ideas, like, "What if I put so-and-so in my myspace top 8, they would be so creeped out." I think that would be fucking hilarious. But I don't want to scare people. I say things in public that are simply ridiculous and totally inappropriate.

Also, I think that the more uncomfortable someone else is, the more comfortable I am. For some reason, watching someone squirm gives me a feeling of serenity and it boosts my confidence. That's probably because I'm an evil person. But the opposite is also true. When I'm around someone who has their shit together and is like, collected, it freaks me the fuck out. It makes me feel all stressed, and then the verbal spewage begins, and then it's all over, and this person just thinks I'm a psycho.

So, yeah, I don't know what my point is. But I really wish that someone thought my weird ideas were funny too. If you're ever hanging out with me, act really nervous, and then I'll be on my game, and we can talk shit about people, because that's like my favorite thing ever. I mean, I like most people, I just also like to make fun of most people. Damn, I really am a terrible person.

Cook some food, that's what I'll do.

A few weeks ago I bought some quinoa. Quinoa, for those of you who don't know is a grain that is cooked pretty much the same way as rice. It has a somewhat nutty flavor and a slightly chewy texture. So, I cooked some today and I'm very happy with the results. Here's the recipes I made today.

Cook one cup of quinoa according to your package directions. That should yield about 3 cups. I split the cooked amount in half, and used about 1 1/2 cups for each recipe.

The first is a salad, kind of like tabouleh, but not really. Once quinoa has cooled, add one can of drained, rinsed black beans. Toss together lightly with a spoon. Chop a handful of parsley and a handful of basil leaves. Add to the bowl. Add any chopped vegetables on hand, green or red peppers, tomatoes, carrots. Top with a vinaigrette made with 3 tablespoons olive oil, 1/3 cup vinegar, 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder, pinch of sugar, large pinch of salt, pepper, a few dashes hot sauce, and a few dashes of soy sauce. Toss everything together. Taste for seasoning. Eat cold, and store leftovers in the fridge.

The next things I made were some quinoa patties. There was a recipe in the package, but I kind of threw that out, and made it up myself. First boil 2 small potatoes with 1/4 of an onion until soft. While that is cooking, press or chop a clove of garlic very finely. Mix into quinoa. When onion and potatoes are soft, drain, but reserve some of the cooking water. Mash both with some of the water, then mix with the quinoa. Taste mixture and add salt and pepper as needed. After this has cooled, form into patties about 2 inches in diameter. Dust with flour. Heat a skillet with a generous amount of olive oil. Cook over medium heat for about 2 minutes on each side. The patties should be golden brown and crispy. These are really fucking good, and would be great with roasted garlic instead of raw. Seriously, they're awesome.

I gots to quit drinking.

I sort of have a social life again, and it's seriously about to kill me. I'm too old for this shit. I wasn't that hungover this morning, but after driving for 3 hours, it started to kick in. Also, I have to stop being a fucking idiot. Seriously, I am the dumbest person I know. I woke up at 8 to drive back to Knoxville and work. I get to work only to remember that I asked for today off a few weeks ago. Maybe it's time to get a calendar.

Okay, here are my summer resolutions:
1. Don't finish off the whole bottle of wine in one night.
2. Take advil before going to bed when drunk.
3. Drink lots of water when out.
4. Buy a calendar.
5. Use the calendar.
6. Sleep less.
7. Take vitamins.
8. Don't eat Krystal, Taco Bell, et cetera when wasted.
9. Actually, no fast food at all, ever
10. Don't take a shot of Jager right before the bar closes.
11. Don't text friends when wasted. You're not that funny.
12. Realize that even though beer has calories, it is not a sensible dinner.
13. Don't buy people drinks.
14. Stop taking medicine on an empty stomach and then wondering why you feel sick.
15. Finish a book.
16. Figure out how to achieve world peace.

Wow. That's a pretty long list. Damn. I don't know if I can really do all of that. But anyway, I'll give it a shot.

This is why I love watching movies on tv.

I'm watching Office Space on E! tonight. I love how they alter the curse words.

"Freak! We're in deep slime."
"We are in deep slime."

But they can still say, "pound-me-in-the-ass prison". Go figure.

Anyway, I have to head out, but I'll be in Nashville tomorrow night, apparently. I decided that after two glasses of wine. Probably not the best way, but whatevs.

Money in my pocket, but I still act trife.

So, I have a new job. In addition to my awesomely nerdy library job, I'm also working as a copy editor for the school newspaper, The Beacon. I got hired today, and much to my surprise, they're actually gonna pay me. Basically I have to edit and proofread articles, editorials, all that type of shit. There are all these formatting rules determined by the Associated Press. Like, percentages must be expressed in numeral form, not spelled out. In addition to those, the paper has produced its own rules. For instance, certain things can be expressed by an acronym in the first mention, while other things can't. I'll also have to write headlines, eventually. I have a lovely handout that gives a list of verbs that are strictly forbidden in headlines. These are: rocks, hosts, holds, offers. Why? I have no idea, the handout provides zero explanation. So, it's all very boring, and you don't need a more thorough description than the one I've already given.

But let me tell you about another amazing handout titled, "A few suggestions for copy editing." It is awesome. So hilarious. It misspells comma every single time. There's a lot of fucking information on comma use. So, guys, the most important thing that I learned from this paperwork is that I don't need to slip into a coma when completing a series. The hard part is avoiding that when reading this goddamn newspaper.

p.s. Don't think that my blog grammar is going to change. I don't proofread this shit.