If this is my future, just kill me now.

About 7:30 this morning, I was finishing up brushing my teeth. I turned my downcast eyes upwards towards my reflection, giving me a perfect view of the part in my hair. I see what looks like a really shiny strand of hair. Right at the root, it's just really shiny. I've seen it before, and in the past I've convinced myself that it was a lighter, blondish strand. However, today, curiosity got the better of me. I fish around for it, and easily find the shiny hair, since it stands out from the rest. I grasp the offending hair, move it around, comparing it with the surrounding hairs, put it in front of my hand to see contrast, basically examine the fuck out of it. Then I pluck it out. Oh my god. The first half inch is completely white. After a quick calculation, I determine that this is the amount of new growth I should have after my last haircoloring. So I have a gray hair. It's horrible. It's awful. It's the worst thing ever.

I spend all day freaking out. What am I going to do? What if there are more? What if I go completely gray? What if I don't and it's just this ugly mix of brown and gray? What if I'm prematurely elderly? What if I go through early menopause? What if I want to have a baby and can't because my eggs are all gone? What if I can, but can't even pick the kid up because I have a bad hip or arthritis, or another health problem that old people have? What if I get wrinkles? What if my boobs start sagging? Holy hell, what if I develop early-onset dementia, and forget all of this?

So, now, almost 12 hours later, I've inspected my hair three times since I got home. The last inspection just ended and it lasted a half-hour. I've pulled out two more hairs, but thankfully, neither of those were gray.

I've saved the offensive gray hair to inspect later, just in case my eyesight is failing me in my old age.

Penny for your thoughts.

So, last time I was in Nashville, I stopped at Target to pick up a few things. Actually just one thing, hair conditioner, which I proceeded to leave at my parents' house. But anyway, I was there with a friend and we looked around for a bit, then headed to the checkout counter.

So, the cashier rings me up, and my total is 2.99. Weird, huh? But that's not the point. So I give him a five dollar bill, and he gives me 2.01 in change. I clearly state that I don't need the penny, but he gives it to me anyway. So, trying to be altruistic and keep the bottom of my purse clean, I leave it on the small counterspace for writing checks or whatever. I figured someone else that day would need a penny.

As my friend and I begin to make our exit, we hear a shrill voice behind us. We turn around to see the 40-something customer who was next in line running in our direction. She's yelling, "You forgot your change!" I start to explain my reasoning for leaving it there, but give up immediately. This lady is obviously not reasonable. I graciously accept the penny she's clutching, and as we walk out, I drop it onto another counter.

Am I the only person who this happens to? I seem to get accosted by strangers a lot. And do I really look so broke, that I can't afford to leave behind a penny?

You know that

your hormones are out of whack when you cry at a Christina Aguilera video.

Not to mention how fucked up it is that I watched the whole thing.
Ha. I just admitted this on the internet.

"Hi, I'm Mary, and I'm addicted to Vh1."
(in unison) "Hi Mary."

In regards to pain:

I'm wondering if it's a good idea to bear a small bit of pain every day. Or should you wait for it to build up, and deal with a great amount of pain all at once? Which hurts more? Is the pain milder when it's spread out over time? Do you suffer less if it feels like hell, but lasts only a moment?








By the way, I'm talking about tweezing my eyebrows.