Wasting time is far too enjoyable.

Friend of a friend wrote this survey. Pretty funny shit.

The best tasting M&M color is...
red.

Who's outlook on life needs the most adjustment — Oscar the Grouch or Eeyore?
Eeyore is a little bitch.

Funyuns are...
stinky.

Name one reality TV personality who needs a good cock-punching.
Ryan Seacrest. I know he's a host, but seriously, who's gonna argue with that?

Kansas or Boston?
Boston.

Name someone or something who you've thrown up on?
My own sweater.

Slush puppies or Icees?
Icees.

Vampire or Zombie movies?
Zombie.

Worse to be surrounded by...hippies or hipsters?
One is smelly and one just sucks. Hipsters.

The one drink that turns me into a heinous bitch/ ornery douchebag is...
Tequila.

How many robot sluts attack your friend request inbox per day?
Zero.

Better pet — E.T or Gizmo (or any other mogwai)?
E.T.

Would you rather do Jodie Foster in Maverick or in Nell?
Umm, neither, but if I were a dude. . . Maverick. And I'd definitely do Mel Gibson in Maverick. That was before he turned anti-semitic and crazy.

Worst public bathroom you've had to endure?
Churchill's "Pub" in Miami.

Favorite terrible movie?
Some would argue that all the movies I like are terrible, but I think I'll go with 50 First Dates.

Worst place you've woken up?
Ugh. On the floor, freezing cold. This has happened more than once.

Weirdest food item consumed from a gas station?
I ate a BLT one time. It was not good.

Dane Cook...
used to be funny.

Where were you when Janet Jackson sent a nation into a panic at the site of an expose part of the human anatomy?
Asleep? I think it was naptime for me. I didn't watch the Super Bowl that year.

Favorite frozen treat?
Anything involving Oreos and vanilla ice cream.

Favorite state fair food?
Funnel cake.

Your thoughts on clowns?
Creepy, duh.

Would your rather have participated in Legends of the Hidden Temple or GUTS?
Legends of the Hidden Temple, duh.

Sexiest body part: Feet, ears, or elbows?
Ears?

Would you have Ken Jennings' children?
No. Ken Jennings is an ass-clowning d-bag.

Toad-licking or robo-tripping?
The first one.

I love you, too.

I walk into my bedroom where the dog, Pepe, is asleep on the foot of my bed. I should probably tell him to get down, but I don't really mind. At least he's sleeping on the quilt. I put it there to keep his fur off my comforter. Sometimes I'll walk in and he'll be sleeping in my spot, under the covers, head on the pillow. I sit down on the edge of the bed next to him. He's snoring. I start absentmindedly scratching his belly. He groans like he always does when I rub his belly. Then I pick up his paw. He whines and pulls it away from me, he hates it when I touch his feet. His little paws are so cute though, and they smell like grass most of the time. I resume scratching his belly, and stare up at the ceiling thinking about today. This is the first minute I've had to relax. This week has been insane, my life is insane, I am nauseated daily by the stress I feel. Suddenly, he stirs awake and places his paw on my open palm. "I love you too, Pep."

White picket fence.

You make yourself out to be so damn perfect.
You spend day after day cleaning your white picket fence.
Scouring pad in your right, Clorox by your side, elbow grease in ample supply.
Maybe, if you scrub hard enough, the chips in the paint will disappear.
Every day, you work to make the flaws less noticeable.
But all you're really doing is drawing attention to the problems.

Your white picket fence, your lily-white reputation, your alabaster complexion.
It's probably not my place to tell you that it's not important.
So, instead, I stare out the window and wonder:
When will you realize?
There's no shame in buying paint.

The wait is over.

So, I think it's a good time to explain my thoughts on the new Britney Spears album, Blackout. You can make fun of me all you want, and I don't really give a crap. I'm not going to force anyone to listen to it or like it, but I'm not going to pretend that I don't. It's not that I think that this is a seminal or even semi-important record, but it is good. As I described it to one friend, it is surprisingly, disturbingly good. That friend expressed her disappointment because she was hoping that Britney would "crash and burn". My sister, on the other hand, has been repeating the mantra, "I knew she would come back triumphant". I don't side with either of these camps, because honestly, it doesn't matter to me if Britney sells her children or sells a million records. I don't know the girl, and while her madness is certainly entertaining, it doesn't affect me one iota.

Onto the music. Although its over-production is apparent, this album is pop perfection. As far as I can tell, Britney didn't write any of the music or lyrics (and that is a pleasant surprise if you remember anything she's "written" in the past). So, basically what we have here is a former star with enough money to pay people to make her sound good. Or her label paid them, whatever. The point is, money talks, and that's the primary reason Blackout is worth a listen. There aren't any redeeming qualities to Ms. Spears' voice. But they can fix that with digitization or what-have-you. And the beats are deliciously pop-ish, and it's kind of fun how everything is done in a very cheeky, cute style.

You've probably already heard the first single, "Gimme More". I think it's great. It's not my favorite track, but it's up there. If you didn't like it, what is wrong with you? Seriously. Get over yourselves, that song is really damn good. "Radar" is also on my top list. It's really good, with some necessary voice morphing making the song that much better. What I referred to as cheeky and cute earlier could be described for this song with another 'c' adjective, cheesy. The radar blip sound effects are a bit much, but if you can laugh at the comedic effect without analyzing whether or not it's intentionally funny, you might enjoy yourselves.

"Break the Ice" is my favorite song. It contains some of the dirtiest lyrics ever, "Can you rise to the occasion? I'm patiently waiting, cause it's gettin' late, and I can't get enough. So let me get it up." Honestly, a lot of why I like this record is because I've been having some issues with myself. I've been feeling kind of unattractive lately, and because Britney is such a tramp, it kind of makes me feel better about myself. Not just because I look better in comparison, but it's kind of put me in touch with my own femininity (sorry if this is tmi). And when I heard, "once you warm up to me, I can make you feel hot," that kind of resonated with me and made me realize that I might have something to offer. I know that that sounds stupid because I just typed it, but I don't really care. This has been an self-image problem I've been dealing with and if Britney's frickin' album helped it, I'm going to give her the frickin' credit.

"Freakshow" is a nice bit of ridiculousness and enjoyable in every way. I like "Toy Soldier" if just for the intro. It's really funny and silly. "Hot as Ice" is a fabulous song and reminds me more of her early stuff. Kind of in the same vein as "I'm a Slave 4 U", if you at all know what I'm talking about. . . Also, it sounds like she's trying to channel Betty Boop. She does that in "Toy Soldier" too, it's kind of weird, but I like it. "Ooh Ooh Baby" is my second favorite song. Apparently it samples from "Happy Together" by The Turtles which you can tell, and that gives the song an upbeat mood. Last song worth talking about is "Why Should I Be Sad", if only because Pharrell produces it. And you'll be (completely disinterested) to know that he is totally on Team Britney according to Mtv's shitty review of Blackout.

So, I've only mentioned the songs I really, really like. I don't think it's necessary for me to go over everything (this post is long enough already). And I'm spent. By the way, I didn't pay for the cd, I just copied my sister's, but why don't you download a song if you're even mildly interested? If you like it, throw her a couple of bones. After all, she's got kids and dogs and a K-Fed to feed and keep in diapers. . . and a crystal meth habit that's getting kinda expensive.

People are gross.

People really need to shower before they come up to my desk to check out laptops. Or put on deodorant. Or wipe their asses. Or whatever works.